


I Don't Deserve Happiness

by Caliginous_Confused



Series: McHanzo Week 2016 [5]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Dragons are little shits, Hanzo needs to learn how to deal with his feelings in a healthy manner, Hurt and comfort, M/M, McHanzo Week, Noodle Dragons, Ultimate Swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 00:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9047393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caliginous_Confused/pseuds/Caliginous_Confused
Summary: In the middle of a mission the dragons come at Hanzo's call as they always did, but are manifested at the end of Peacekeeper. Likewise, Deadeye is evoked by Jesse, but it is Hanzo who makes the shots. Hanzo has been distant for about a month and the dragons are tired of the archer beating himself up over his past mistakes.





	

“What the hell happened back there?” Jack growled at the two men sitting in front of him. McCree had a wide bewildered look on his face, he was about as clueless as Jack on what just happened. Hanzo, on the other hand had his gaze casted downward, his right hand gently running over his tattoo.

They were sitting in the jet, finally at cruising altitude, giving Jack permission to stand above them and cross his arms to make him appear more intimidating. Jesse voiced easily that he had no clue what had happened, and there was something that made Jack believe him. That left Hanzo to explain.

“I don’t know,” he lied turning to look at Jack in the eye, challenging him to call him out on the blatant lie he just told. The one thing he learned from growing up in a crime family that he maintained, lying. Of course, Jesse and Genji both knew his tells, they were subtle and unless you didn’t know how to read the archer, you wouldn’t be able to find out. It didn’t take long for others to catch on, so the two were more or less used as lie detectors for the archer.

The commander of Overwatch turned toward Jesse and raised an eyebrow toward the cowboy who was looking at Hanzo, the brim of his hat almost completely covering up the wide-eyed expression. The archer stole a glance at the cowboy, confident that Jesse would cover for him, able to have a similar set of skills brought on from his own life of crime during his youth.

Jesse frowned slightly, knowing he only had one real choice in how to answer. Hanzo had been, for lack of a better word, avoiding him. It came on suddenly after a night faced with a nightmare that left Hanzo just mumbling his request to be alone, and since Jesse knew the feeling he obliged. Breakfast was normal, considering Hanzo was shaking off the nightmare, and since that day, after the dishes were washed and put away, he’d disappear until dinner.

McCree had asked if he had done anything wrong, to which Hanzo replied, truthfully, that he hadn’t. The sudden change of the archer’s behavior had nothing to do with Jesse, but he made it seem like that when he avoided him despite being in a relationship for well over six months.

“He’s tellin’ the truth,” McCree vouched crossing his arms and turned to look away from Hanzo before looking at his right arm, running his hand over it. Jack hummed and left them alone.

“Hanzo you owe me an explanation, ‘specially now I’m coverin’ for your ass,” McCree muttered under his breath, not even sparing the archer another glance, showing how unhappy he was. Hanzo was following his lead. Eyes were turned away from him as he did his best to regulate his breathing, not wanting the gunslinger to see how distraught he was. He didn’t want him to see the sadness in his eyes. It was tearing him apart not being with his cowboy, but it was something he felt he had to do.

“Meet me on the roof of the Watchpoint at two in the morning the day after we get back,” he muttered. “I should have your answer.” He stood up and went into one of the rooms on the ship used for sleeping.

He didn’t sleep, he couldn’t.

 

**A few hours ago:**

They were in a bad spot with only a few options. Enemies were around them at all sides and there were more coming. Hanzo stood up from his perch and dropped down, firing a few arrows as he fell. He looked around and moved to where the wave of dragons, once released, would take out the most enemies.

He took a deep breath and pulled the arrow back, reciting the incantation that he was sure most of his normal mission partners knew by heart. His left arm swelled with energy, a blue aura spread over his arm as the dragons of his tattoo came to life as he released the arrow.

Only, they didn’t manifest.

Hanzo slowly lowered his bow part of the way before he heard Jesse yell a few profanities in shock as he stumbled back, trying his best to keep his footing on the concrete ground.

Flying out of the barrel of his gun were the twin dragons, curling around one another as they flew through the air, consuming anything in their path. Their roar filled the air and everyone turned toward the archer who was starting at McCree.

Before the question was asked McCree spoke out. “What the fuck was that?” Everyone then turned toward Hanzo who turned sharply and fired an arrow, reminding everyone they were still in a very chaotic situation and that they should instead focus on getting out of it before asking why Jesse had summoned the dragons.

Later, as they were leaving, Jesse gently tugged at the archer’s arm. “Cover me, I’ll use Deadeye against the fucker’s still following us.” Hanzo nodded and Jesse yelled for the others to keep running. The two of them slid against the floor, reading their weapons as McCree closed his eyes and centered himself as he pulled the brim of his hat lower to cover the gleam in his eyes. He entered the trance-like state of Deadeye and paused when he opened his eyes.

He saw nothing. No one’s stories were spilling out in front of him, no cries of agony that accompanied the technique, nothing. He was about to let go of the state of mind when six whistles passed by his ears, each of the men falling to the ground soon after. Each had an arrow right in between the eyes instead of a bullet. McCree turned toward Hanzo who was lowering his bow, looking at his left arm in confusion.

“Hanzo-“

“Not now Jesse…I need…I need to figure out a few things about this.”

The cowboy looked his boyfriend over for a moment before nodding. “Alright darlin’, take your time,” he said pushing past him, closing his eyes as he hid the hurt that he felt from figuring that Hanzo was pushing him away once again.

He pushed past the archer as he reached out toward Jesse, slowly closing his hand into a fist, closing his eyes and shook his head. He deserved every bit of pain he was feeling.

 

 

_We just want Han-chan to be happy. Cowman makes Han-chan happy, so we’re helping!_

“I…I don’t deserve happiness Soba,” Hanzo muttered.

What was everyone’s obsession with Hanzo’s happiness? First Genji told him that since he had found peace and happiness within himself, he wanted to help Hanzo so the same. Now, his own guardian dragons were on the same side as his brother.

The thing was, Hanzo didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve any of the happiness that others wished on him. He had caught himself getting too content with how his life was fairing, with how the outlook of his inpact on everyone was going to be significantly positive. He didn’t deserve Overwatch. He didn’t deserve friends, and most of all, he didn’t deserve Jesse McCree.

So, he ran. He pushed everyone away, keeping to himself and hide his feelings away. He only showed himself when he absolutely had to, the rest of the time he was hiding, watching as everyone else continued to live their lives without him, seemingly not noticing his absence.

**Hanzo, you have finally found something to protect and to fight for. We are not going to let you let this go. You have suffered for a decade. Allow the weight to lift from your shoulders.**

“I can’t!” Despite being in a meditative dream conversing with his dragons, his voice cracked, as he squeezed his eyes shut. “I have done too much bad to allow myself to be happy….I…I just can’t.”

_What about Jesse? He is unhappy without you…_

“He will learn to forget me.”

**Not if we remain involved. We will force you two to remain together. Each of you has to summon your ultimate ability, but the other shall execute.**

Hanzo turned sharply, unable to believe what he was hearing. “Udon, why? He will just get hurt being associated with me”

**He will get no more hurt with you than he would without you.**

_Jesse loves you Hanzo. He makes you happy, like you make him happy. Let yourself have this one thing._

Hanzo sighed and closed his eyes. “I am going to tell him what happened, I owe it to him…”

_Tell him about your feelings too Han-chan._

“I will consider it.”

**We will get move involved if necessary.**

“I know…”

 

**Roof of Gibraltar: 2 am**

Hanzo stood there, looking out into the sea with a breeze strong enough to make his ribbon flap in the breeze making him look more regal than he already did when McCree walked out. The archer didn’t move, or acknowledge the gunslinger’s presence until he was leaning against the railing next to him with a lit cigarillo.

“Soba and Udon… have noticed the distance I have put between myself and everyone,” Hanzo said quietly feeling the spirits urge him to talk more.

“Yeah? They ain’t the only one’s darlin’,” McCree answered flatly.

“I…They have arranged it to where we are both needed to perform Dragonstrike and Deadeye. Until they fix it, I have to recite the incantation for the dragons, but you are the one who released them, and likewise for Deadeye.” Jesse blew out a small cloud of smoke and hummed.

“Now, why would they do that?”

Hanzo looked at his feet and shifted his weight nervously. “Because….because I am happy with you.” His voice was quiet, barely heard over the crash of the waves.

“If that’s the case, then why have ya been ghostin’ me for the past month Hanzo? Where have you been?”

“In the air vents… I…” he trailed off and took a deep breath, closing his eyes as if that would prevent the tears from falling. “I-I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve Overwatch, this…family we have here. I have done so…so much wrong in my life that I deserve to die alone and unhappy. I deserve to have all of the pain and suffering to be thrusted upon me and only me.” He felt Jesse’s calloused hand gently wipe the tears from his cheek. “I know you’re going to say you’ve done worse Jesse, but that’s a lie. You are a good man, I am not. I am the worst kind of man, and you deserve someone who makes you happy.”

“Hanzo…that man is you. I can’t even begin to describe the warm feelings ya give me. I want to keep you close to my heart Hanzo. I want to get greyer with you, retire with you. I ain’t never wanted to tear down an entire Talon base to get one person back, and I’d do that in a heartbeat for you.” He cupped the archer’s cheek. “If Udon and Soba want to be lil shits and keep us together like this, I am all for it. I will do anythin’ to keep you by my side.”

Hanzo reached up and put his hand over McCree’s. “Jesse…”

“You are the love of my life Hanzo Shimada, I will do whatever it is I gotta do in order to keep you. If I gotta hold the weight of your sins an’ mine, then so be it. You are loved Hanzo, and you’ve earned every lil bit of it.”

Tears were flowing freely from Hanzo’s face as Jesse simply pulled him into his chest and gently shushed him as he rubbed soothing circles in his back. Soba and Udon manifested and wrapped around the couple.

**_You two complete one another. Never let go._** They said in unison. **_Together, you two will heal._**

 

Jesse and Hanzo slowly returned to normal. Hanzo showed his apologies to the greater force of Overwatch for his distanced behavior and explained that their ultimates switched due to his dragons, to which Genji smiled warmly and nodded, knowing that the dragons were picking up where he couldn’t in getting Hanzo to allow himself to be happy.

The two worked and trained to hone in how they would work together to remedy their new situation, and in a matter of weeks they weren’t even asking the other. They would just call each other’s name and they would do what had to be done in order for the other to use the power hidden in their partner.

They were inseparable, and smiles between the two men were almost a constant. No one was surprised when McCree proposed to Hanzo during one holiday season and the archer said yes as if McCree had just asked the most stupid question in the world. No one was surprised when they decided to try to retire only to come back after the first year. Everyone was simply happy to see the two of them happy for once in their long lonely lives.

Soba and Udon did eventually return the powers of the two men to their rightful owner, but with a twist. They both could use Deadeye and Dragonstrike, the arrangement was simply the one they set up in order to draw the two together. Hanzo was the only one who could call the dragons, but with his thoughts he decided who unleashed them, and likewise with McCree and Deadeye.

They were each other’s most treasured procession, and they would go to any length to protect one another.

They were finally complete with one another.

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote and read through this in one sitting. So, there are bound to be mistakes. I was so looking forward to this day, and I think this is okay to put out. 
> 
> As always you can follow me on [tumblr.](http://www.caliginous-confused.tumblr.com)


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